90 days of meditation (the one promise I'm keeping to myself)
Maintaining one self-care practice while feeling like I'm failing everywhere else
Hey Homebodies,
It started with a simple realisation….I couldn't seem to give myself five minutes a day.
Not for reading. Not for journaling. Not for just sitting in silence. Somehow, everything and everyone else always came first.
You know how it goes. The mental gymnastics we do as mums, as women, as humans who've been conditioned to believe productivity equals worth. The way we can schedule appointments, meetings, other people’s demands of us, with military precision, but struggle to block off even a tiny slice of time for ourselves.
And the worst part? The promises I broke to myself wouldn't dare be broken to others. I'd move mountains to keep my word to my husband, best friend, boss or child…but promises to myself? Those were negotiable, flexible, easily dismissed.
The simple challenge
So late last year I set a goal to meditate every single day for 365 days.
Not to become enlightened. Not to master mindfulness. Not even primarily for my mental health (though that's been a lovely side effect).
I did it to prove I could keep my word to myself.
Because if I couldn't honour a five-minute commitment, what did that say about my relationship with myself?
Today marks 90 days. 90 consecutive days of showing up for myself, even when I absolutely didn't feel like it.
The messy reality
This hasn't been a serene, Instagram-worthy journey of peaceful meditation corners and profound daily insights.
Some days, it's a rushed five minutes before I pass out from exhaustion. Other days, it's a luxurious twenty minute meditation with my favourite hot pack and lavender essential oil smothered all over me.
There have been sessions where I've checked the timer four times in five minutes. Sessions where my to-do list felt more present than I was. Sessions where I fell asleep (those count too, right?) and woke myself up with that head jolt you normally see people on planes do.
I'm not doing this perfectly. I'm just doing it consistently.
The island in the storm
Here's the truth I'm still grappling with: meditation has become the one promise I'm keeping to myself in a sea of broken ones.
It's my island in the storm.
While I'm proud of these 90 days, I'm simultaneously feeling like I’m drowning in everything else. The weight of work pressure, being a mum and homemaker, trying to get my strength and fitness back postpartum, working on a content cadence for Homebody, and the glimmer of another project that wants to come out of me, has left me with a to-do list that haunts my rare moments of leisure.
Plus the society pressure…. We celebrate mothers who ‘do it all’ while rarely questioning whether anyone should have to. The impossible standards we've normalised have become so embedded that we often don't see them until we're gasping for air.
I find myself unable to fully enjoy even the precious few moments of downtime because my mind is perpetually running its background task manager, reminding me of all I haven't done yet.
So what I’m trying to say is that this isn't a triumphant story about how meditation magically fixed my life balance and made me into a supermum. It's about the strange contradiction of maintaining one small sacred practice while feeling like I'm failing at everything else.
It feels vulnerable to write this - my normal mantra is to write from the scar, not the wound. It would be easier to present a neat narrative of transformation. But in all honesty that's not my current truth.
What's actually worked
Even in this messy reality, here's what's kept me going for 90 days:
Same time, same place: I meditate right after my night time skin routine. I cleanse, serum, moisturise, then get comfy in bed, ready to let go of the day and let my body switch off. Having this anchor means I don't have to make a new decision every day about when to fit it in.
Starting super small: My minimum viable meditation is five minutes. That's it. I can always do more if time allows, but knowing the bar is low enough to step over rather than hurdle has been key.
Tracking visually: Watching that streak number tick up daily is strangely motivating. I use Open, but a simple habit tracker could work too.
Finding the right vibe: Not all meditation styles work for everyone. I've learned my mind and body responds best right now to down-regulating breathwork meditations.
Stopping the self-judgment: Some days my mind races the entire time. Some days I feel nothing. Some days I wonder if I'm ‘doing it wrong’. I've learned to let all that go and just count showing up as the win.
The value of awareness
While meditation hasn't magically balanced my life, it has given me something valuable: awareness.
I'm more conscious of how unbalanced things are. I notice my husband's ability to maintain hobbies like his run club (I’m super proud of him), and my struggle (mentally and physically) to keep any hobbies.
I also am starting to recognise when my brain is stuck in ‘task mode’ and unable to shift to the present. It feels uncomfortable and frustrating.
Meditation has become my witness practice - the quiet space where I observe what is, without immediately trying to fix it or rush past it. And some days, just witnessing where I am feels like enough.
These days, I have these questions swirling around in my head…
Why is it so much harder for mothers to maintain their identity outside of caregiving roles?
What would need to change for me to keep more promises to myself?
How much of this imbalance is systemic, and how much is self-imposed?
(The one that brings me to tears every time) What am I modelling for my child about self-worth when I put myself last?
What small step beyond meditation might be possible?
I don't have tidy answers to these questions - I’m still in the messy middle. If you have any thoughts on these, I would love for you to share in the comments, or by hitting reply.
What's next
I'm 90 days into a 365-day journey. I have no idea what the next 275 days will bring, but I'm curious to find out.
Will this one kept promise eventually make it easier to keep others? Will I find ways to honour myself beyond these few minutes?
Probably yes to both, but for now, I'm claiming this one small victory: for 90 days, I've kept my word to myself in at least one way. And some days, that feels like enough.
I'd love to know… have you struggled with keeping promises to yourself? How did you navigate it?
Leave a comment or reply to this email – I read and respond to every message.
P.S. If you're curious about which specific meditations have worked for me, I've shared my favourites in a carousel here. And if you're thinking about starting your own practice but feeling intimidated, I highly recommend the platform @open as a supportive resource. I am an Open ambassador, and love that I can give the community 30 days for free.
This article contains affiliate links - thank you for your support.